Bacon Gumballs4 Vote

OK, so I like bacon. I think this much is obvious. I’ve actually had bacon for breakfast both Saturday and Sunday this weekend. My apartment smells of the glory that is bacon, and visitors to my humble abode are both amazed and astounded. “Where did you get that incredible air freshener?”, they ask. To that I say, “Dude. It’s fucking bacon. It rules.”

Then we sit in silence for a minute and ponder the meaning of life, because that’s a common bonding experience among people who smell bacon together. It’s glorious.

Here’s the one problem with bacon being incredibly awesome…

…It’s gone too far.

There. I said it. Due to the widespread popularity and awesome-icity of bacon, “The Man” (you know who you are) is capitalizing on our love, and bacon-izing everything.

At first glance, as a purveyor and appreciator of all things bacon, you’d probably think I’d be on board with this. And I was. But even I have my limits.

I mean, they’re WAY out there, but I have them. Seriously. I think I hit the wall on my bacon experimentation for the time being. I’m going to swear my life to a pure bacon existence, free of gimmicks, and artificial….stuff.
Ladies and gentleman of the jury, I present to you, Xzibit A:

Bacon Gumballs.

Yup. I’m serious. See?

So sweet and innocent...

And then inside, we have all 22 of the little bastards accounted for.

They smell horrible. I can't think of a witty caption, they just smell like ass.

Upon opening the tin, you get the smell of… Ass. Seriously. These things smell god-awful. And strong. I seriously could see a weak-stomached person puking after taking a deep whiff of these bastards. I’ve got a strong-ass gag reflex, and I can’t stand smelling these. Wow. I can’t wait to put one in my mouth.

Woo!!!

Luckily, they’re tiny.

Texture: Well, for the 2 seconds it was in my mouth, it felt like a normal, run-of-the-mill gumball. OF DEATH.

Taste: The video above speaks for itself. Fucking horrible. Wow. I’ll have nightmares about that.

JK Score: 0/10 Yep. The only reason I’d hold onto the rest of these is to let my drunk friends try. When they’re really drunk. And need to vomit. Or if they piss me off. Wow.