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November, 2009:

Bissli Falafel Flavored Wheat Party Snacks

You know what I freakin’ love?

Wheat party snacks from Israel that are flavored like fried chickpeas… AND ARE FUCKING VAMPIRES.

Seriously. So good.

Oh. AND VAMPIRE-ISH. Like, you know, as in the blood-sucking dudes who get killed by Blade? (Or Buffy, pick your poison). I’m talking real, hardcore, honest to jeebus vampiric Tel Aviv-sourced party snacks here, people. None of this Twilight crap. REAL. VAMPIRE. WHEAT. SNACKS.

Oh, and they’re cholesterol free too. Which is always nice, because the last thing you want when you’re dying by the hands of a Falafel-flavored Nosferatu is high cholesterol. No one wants that combo.

Oh, the photographical tour of bla bla bla whatever is in order, I reckon.

Peep this. It’s a bag of the crap I’m fixin’ to eat.

Bag O' Falafel... thingers.  AND DEATH.

Bag O' Falafel... thingers. AND DEATH.

The individual harbringers of doom and blood-suckiness are individually pretty small. Sorta like FUCKING VAMPIRE BATS. DON’T THINK IT’S A COINCIDENCE.

Aw, so cute and innocent and blood-sucky.

Aw, so cute and innocent and blood-sucky.

Oh, I know what you’re thinking now. I’ll even put it in presumptuous quotes. Check it.

“Oh, but JK, why ever do you declare these seemingly normal and delicious-looking snacks to be of the blood-sucking variety, by chance?”

Simple, my fair… uh, I guess southern-belle-talking-person in my head..

Peep it.

A WITCH!  er... A VAMPIRE!  BURN IT!

A WITCH! er... A VAMPIRE! BURN IT!

There you have it. Indisputable evidence that these snacks are undead and “vant your blaaad.”

Or, alternatively, I’m an idiot and was reaching desperately for some hook/premise after looking at these damn things in my pantry for a couple months trying to figure out some angle to work.

Take your pick.

Texture: Definitely on the crunchy side, and kinda dense. But to be fair, these came from flippin’ Israel, sat on a store shelf for who-knows-how-the-hell long, and then in my pantry for another 6 months. So they’re probably just stale. Lucky for me, they don’t believe in expiration dates in Israel. So we’ll never know.

Taste: It took me a while to figure this one out. Starts off as a very, very bland Funyun , and kinda lingers and hangs out for a bit, then tastes like a bit like Falafel at the very end.

JK Score: 7/10 I’m basing this on the fact that I like Funyuns and Flalfel, your mileage may vary. I’ll disregard the vampire aspect for the sake of keeping scores fair across the board. I’d eat these again.