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August, 2009:

Mo’s Bacon Bar

You got your bacon in my chocolate!

You got your chocolate in my bacon!

Two great tastes that taste great together… Right?



Hell if I know. I’m just a simple man, born and raised in Corn Field, Illinois.

So, by association, I apparently like the simple things in life… Trucks… Corn… Meat… Cheap… beer… Dammit. I like those things. Stupid upbringing having an affect on my personality and preferences. My simple taste buds couldn’t handle such sophistication as “applewood smoked bacon”, “alderwood smoked salt”, “deep milk chocolate (45% cacao)”, and some pretentious font up top that I can’t identify… because I’m a hick… And don’t care to look it up.

mmmm... pretentious

mmmm... pretentious

Picked this bad boy (do howdy, yah buddy) at one of dem dere Hole Foods for $2.00.

Of course it was in the checkout lane. Because bacon-infused chocolate is an impulse item if there was ever one.

Don’t judge me.

So, sliding the overpriced .5 oz of hippiefood out of it’s protective box, reveals a foil-wrapped lovefest, that’s very well-labeled:

I shall call him... Mini-Bacon-Candy-Bar Me

I shall call him... Mini-Bacon-Candy-Bar Me

Well, that explains the .5oz weight anyway. It’s Mini. Duh.

Snapping the badboy open reveals…

The glory and the light.  And the pork.

The glory and the light. And the pork.

Ok, so… The thing smells like bacon, but with this really weird twinge to it. Not sure if that’s the chocolate talking (smelling?) or what. It’s almost bitter-smelling. If bitter can be a smell. In which case, it is, because I don’t feel like being wrong tonight.

So, here we go:

Texture: Well… It’s chocolate. With MOTHER FUCKING BACON PIECES IN IT. Seriously though, you’d be expecting like baco-bit crunchy stuff (I was, anyway). The pieces are really pretty soft, and almost-melty. It’s weird. Because it’s bacon, and bacon doesn’t/shouldn’t do that. But again, what do I know. Maybe it’s some awesome hippie-food bacon that I’ve never tasted, from pigs who read Vonnegut and hang out at coffee shops. It could happen.

Taste: It’s definitely chocolate with bacon in it. Has that whole sweet/salty thing going, which is pretty awesome in my book, any day of the week. Fortunately, the bacon isn’t amazingly overpowering though. It just sort of works. And that smell I was getting? Yeah, there’s a bit of bitter in the chocolate too, which really keeps throwing me off my game.

JK Score: 7.5/10 Definitely something novel, I couldn’t eat more than .5oz of this in one sitting, you get sick of the whole thing pretty quick, be it from awesome overload, or something altogether different.

By the way, this officially introduces our newest category, “Bacon!”. Because bacon is awesome, and deserves recognition. And bacon. It’s cyclic like that.

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Migrated everything over to WordPress over the weekend. Still playing with themes/photos and trying to get everything completely situated, so “pardon the dust” while I get things a little more settled and awesome.

Also, I’m sure some links and stuff are broken, which I’ll go back and fix, but otherwise, let me know if anything is hosed up.