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April, 2009:

Doritos Diablo Enchilado

Ole!

Check it out. I’m keeping things semi-seasonal-related still. Cinco De Mayo is just around the corner, and I happened upon some awesome-looking Doritos at my local store, so I was all “hell yah”.
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Seriously. Hell yah. There’s a DEVIL on the bag. And he’s ON FIRE. Because he’s a BADASS. Oh, and he looks happy too, for some reason.
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And can you blame him? I mean, if I were Beelzebub (not to be confused with BeetleJuice from the Stern Show), I imagine I’d be pretty sick of the standard wheelin’ dealin’ for souls, keeping house in Hell, and making sure Ashton Kutcher somehow stayed relevant.

I’d be ready for a freaking Doritos bag spot.

Obviously much more coveted than the front of a Wheaties box, how many people get to be on the front of a Doritos bag?

I’ll tell you how many.

NONE, BITCH.

Unless, of course, you’re willing to get your nuts crushed and are Japanese. Then they make exceptions, apparently:
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But let’s remove them from the stats. Because really, who wants to be spun around by their legs with a foot firmly planted on the family jewels just to make the cover of a bag of Doritos?

Not Satan, I’ll tell ya that. He’s got a good agent. No need for such tomfoolerly. Make Doritos work on your terms, that’s hardcore, and I respect it fully.

Let’s see how I respect the chips.

According to my 4 years of high school espaƱol (Thanks, Bonita!), I’m looking at some “Devil Enchilada” Doritos.

Well, that explains the devil on the bag at least.

Upon cracking open the bag, you get Doritos. Duh.

THE REDDEST DORITOS ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH!

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Seriously. So red. Or, should I say… “rojo”? Que lastima!

Texture: Seriously? It’s a Dorito.

Taste: Oddly enough, pretty much like an enchilada. Dorito’s mad scientists have perfected the art of making things taste like things for the most part. As far as Diablo goes… It’s pretty hit or miss. For the most part, there’s not much heat at all to them, but once in a while, you get one that’s a scorcher.

That’s most likely Old Scratch screwing with ya.

JK Score: 7/10 Honestly, not too shabby. I couldn’t rip through a mass of these like I could some Cool Ranch, but they’re pretty tasty. If I run across them again, I’d be apt to pick em up.