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March, 2009:

Double Bypass (at the Heart Attack Grill)

Where to begin…Let me say that I took on this assignment based solely on the fact that The Heart Attack Grill is known for really good burgers. The staff had nothing to do with it. That being said…thank you JK for forcing me to go out an get a burger with one pound of beef, a regular coke, and some fries that are “deep fried in pure LARD”.

Usually to get a ton of photos of food here…and for good reason. But, I thought a few establishing shots would serve this review well. While the food (burger/fries/coke) is the star of the show at the grill, there are a few side dishes too!

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The building is pretty unassuming until you get to the front door.


then inside

From there the fun begins..Much like In-N-Out Burger the menu is pretty straight forward and simple to remember. Single, Double, Triple, Quadruple Bypass 1-4 patties (duh) all of which are half pounders and are smothered in cheese.

Once you’ve settled on your “procedure”..your nurse sets the meal in motion. While waiting for the burger to arrive, if you so choose, you can treat yourself to a helping of “Flatliner Fries” as the sign states…”Deep fried in Pure Lard”

20090309-flatliner fries

If soggy fries that have been deep fried in pure lard are your cup of tea…you may just die before the bypass. If you are a real glutton for punishment garnish the fries with salt and a man sized portion of mayo.


Now as much as I wish I could say that I was a real man and decided to try to clog my heart in one large burger soaked shot..I couldn’t bring myself to try to demolish a Triple or Quad Bypass…so I went with the Double..and upon arrival, I almost cried. It was amazing.


Now in true TJE fashion I decided that the next best step would be to show off the grandeur of this meat mountain. Did I mention that the patties were half pounders? Well, they were and when you try to pick up the burger you feel like you are actually working through the meal!

Speaking of the meal if you are the guy (like I am) who will go out and order copious amounts of meat and pasta and sugar filled desserts and still settles for a Diet Coke…tough. Here you have a few choices but the word Diet appears nowhere. Coke, Water, Jolt, Corona, Bud…and a full bar at the back are the limits of what you can order (there is also a $21 Margarita on the menu). But i settled for the simple Double, Flatliner Fries, and a Coke
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As big ass burgers go…the weight of the double makes it a two hand job. I have no idea how I would have even attempted the Quad Bypass! (FYI–Joey Chestnut polished off a Double in 1min 47 seconds)

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A lot longer than 2min later I finally made it to the last bite and was able to sit back and think about what had just happened. I had just put a pound of meat, two cokes, and god only knows how many fries into my body. Now I am a big boy (280lbs) but thankfully I didn’t qualify for the free meal program (350lbs and up eat free all day every day). The strange thing was that I felt full but I also didn’t feel like I had stuffed myself. Granted I think I would have exploded if I had even one more fry. I didn’t feel like I thought I was going to die. The thought did cross my mind when I walked in..but that was a heart attack of a different sort.

Before we get to the ranking…two last photos to of Elise…our (I got my father to join in the fun) nurse.


the other of the Heart Attack Grill’s “Diet Program” The best part is the fine print at the bottom that says, “Arizona State Law requires us to notify you that members of our staff are not actually certified Nurses.” Really!!!!
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Starting off with the ambiance:
10/10 — there is something to be said for taking the “Diet program/nurse thing” to the limit. From the outfits to the fact that there are mirrors under the counter. Not sure if they are there to give the customers another look at the wait staff…or if they are there for the nurses to keep an eye on the wierdo customers who are always there with cameras a plenty.

Burgers 9/10 — As the burger itself goes…perfectly done. Not under done, not over done, but just right. The slight over toast on the bun even worked. The only reason that I can’t go to a full 10 is that Bacon wasn’t even an option! Only down side is that I had to run through a full brick of napkins…apparently when you get upwards of a pound of beef you also get the same volume of grease.

Fries 8/10 — They are so good that they could actually be deadly. Deep Fried in Lard = Mmmmm. Personally I am all for the soggy fry, but there is also something to be said for having a little crunch in the fry basket. But, at $1.85 for all you can eat they were really good.

Drink N/A — Can’t really rank a coke..especially since I am really a Pepsi guy at heart.

All in all $9.25 for Burger, $1.85 for Fries, and $1.85 (x2) for drink. Not too bad. Give or Take $20 with tip. For a complete collection of Full Sized photos and some that didn’t make the cut…check out my flickr page.