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October, 2008:

McDonald’s McRib Sandwich

Benjamin Franklin once said, “In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.”

Mr. Franklin was a liar. A dirty, dirty, liar.

Well, maybe not a liar. Just misguided. There’s plenty more in this world that’s certain, but the most important of those is McRib season. And just like taxes, it happens every year. And just like death, it… Uh… Has pickles and onions I guess. Well, I mean, I know the McRib does. Some religions* theorize that on your way to the afterlife you must walk a gauntlet of luscious sweet white onions and thinly-sliced dill pickles to prove your worth to the gods.

And every year, the McRib walks that gauntlet for you, and comes back (for a limited time only). It’s like pressed-rib-formed-meat-with-fake-grill-marks Easter, really. But without the brightly colored eggs. Or rabbits.

Well, maybe rabbits. I’m not totally sure what’s in these.

But, what I do know, is that I love the McRib. So, thusly, this review is going to be pretty one-sided and full of conflicts of interest since the McRib and I have had a long long affair going back over the eons.

Hell, I even broke out the good camera for this one:

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Naked and vulnerable:
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You know, the McRib is pretty basic when you get down to it. It’s pork (presumably), that’s boneless, then re-formed into a boney-shaped mass… gobs of BBQ sauce, onions, and pickles, on a roll. But the McRib is more than the sum of its parts. It’s like a leprechaun, a unicorn, or a hot lesbian makeout session; it’s mystical, beautiful, and is something that only occurs when you least expect it. In 2008, McRib season overlapped with McDonald’s Monopoly. I’m in heaven.

Texture: Honestly, not so hot. You got your formed-meat patty-chunk thing going on, which is odd, but it’s salvaged by the crisp chunks of onion and pickle.

Taste: Seriously? It’s the McRib. Sure, if you look at it from a strictly objective point of view, the meat alone is pretty bland, and the sauce is wayyyy sugary. But, I never claimed to be objective, so this is the best damn thing on the planet, ever, in the history of anything.

JK Score: 10/10. Like you didn’t see it coming. BAM! McRib dominating the chart, IN YO FACE!

*No real religion that I know of, but I would definitely subscribe to their newsletter if they exist.

Wasabi Green Peas

Forgive me father, it has been… *checks* Crap. Almost two months since my last entry.

Stupid life, always getting in the way. Also, bears on tricycles. They get in the way too. I never really understood why, either. They just seem to have this uncanny ability to always be directly in front of where I’m trying to go:

Trying to go to work? Freaking’ bear-on-a-tricycle parade crossing the street.
Tried going to Taco Bell a few weeks ago. Place was closed because a drunk bear on a tricycle drove through the front window. Thought the brake was the gas or something.
On my way to the bathroom? Freakin’ bear on a tricycle. I’m not even sure how it got in the house, but there it was. I still have to pee.


Oh! Yah. Food.

I grabbed some sushi for lunch at the store, so I figured I’d complete my Japanese bi-fecta(?) with a side treat of these bad boys. Fairly non-descript packaging, just says what’s up on the front, and then a bunch of Japanese, which I know nothing of, which either probably says “Roasted Wasabi Green Peas” or “Here’s some Crap, Eat it”. Hoping it’s the former.

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Opening up the bag and taking whiff, there’s a very familiar smell, but I can’t place it. Kinda dirty, kinda fishy for some reason. A peek at the back of the bag reveals Shrimp Powder as an ingredient. Dammit. Now that’s all I smell, and am reminded of my last foray into Asian snack food

Here’s the little guys, loose in the wild:

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And I think this is the part where I eat em. It’s been a while.

Texture: Very crunchy. Probably because they’re roasted. It actually reminds me of ants. Not sure why. Once you get past the crunchy pea-shell (not sure if that’s even a thing), things get a little mushy, but… they’re peas. Weird.

Taste: WASABI. Shocker, I know, but there’s hella wasabi going down here. Myself, I love the crap, and anything else derived from horseradish, so I’m all over these. In small amounts. They’re super-loaded. It’s neat. Then, there’s a bit of a residual pea flavor. But I think the peas are mostly just a carrier for the wasabi, kinda how we use celery as a Ranch Dressing shovel on this side of the ocean. And, of course, the ever-present slight hint of shrimp. Which I only noticed after reading the ingredient list, so that may be mostly in my head.

JK Score: 6/10 If I wasn’t such a fiend for having my sinsues cleared out during a snack, I’d rate these much lower, but I think that kind of thing is neat. Yay, snot!