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August, 2008:

Pringles Baked Wheat Stix – Pizza

Freaking sellouts.

I hate it when bands who’ve built their success on kicking ass have a lull, and then pander to mass marketing techniques to get their name back out there in the public eye.

With such great hits like “Lady”, “Mr. Roboto”, “Blue Collar Man”, and “Come Sail Away”, it’s a shame to see such an amazing band with a vast history resort to a pairing with a potato-chip-in-a-tube maker, and do some screwball pizza flavored wheat snack… Thing.

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Oh, wait. Stix. Shit.


Um…. So… Pringles has these Stix things. I guess. Something.

I’m sure Dennis DeYoung would eat them… If the price was right.

On the back of the box, it says the following, which totally and completely clarifies, well, everything. Ever. It’s typed really small. I’m pretty sure there’s a few lines that say something about the Kennedy assassination, but they were cut out of every box. The part that babbles about the Stix says the following:

“PRINGLES STIX have it all.

Wrapped up in every baked stick is a snacking experience that is truly more than words – it’s a totally different kind of Pringle!”

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… Which is fine and all, but a Pringle is a damn chip. And not a wheat stick. So, by being… You know, a wheat stick, it suddenly ceases to be a Pringle… Which is a potato chip. You get where I’m going with this. So I’m angry now. Very angry.

So angry, I could eat wheat sticks!

Texture: Decidedly non-Pringle, it’s a freaking wheat stick. Whatever that is. It’s crunchy, and kinda dry. And gets stuck in your teeth like crazy.

Taste: They’re only 100 calories per pack, so they cram them chock-full of imitation pizza flavor to cover up the fact that they’re all 100-calorie crappy and stuff. It’s pretty severe, and very heavy on the oregano.

JK Score: 4/10 I’d eat them if they were the only thing in the house… Or in this case, the only thing in my hotel room, but I wouldn’t go seek them out again probably. Unless they put Mr. Roboto on the box. Shooting lasers.