Things JK Eats Rotating Header Image

Restaurants

Gettin’ all Zagats on dat ass.

Sweet Action Ice Cream

Disclaimer: We went here on a whim, and didn’t think to bring a camera, and was too caught up in the moment to break out the phones, so, sorry in advance -JK

It’s summer. This summer, in particular, has been pretty much on the annoying side of hot in Denver this year. Thankfully, it’s that ever-so-annoying-to-say (at least it’s a) dry heat.

All the more reason to go seek out some frozen cow byproduct.

My buddy Rob told me of Sweet Action back in May, when he got a hold of them for his Mental Floss article, “7 Alternative Uses for Beer”.

Of course, it was March, and most likely snowing or something here, and I had no time for such frozen dairy thingers. My friend Eric decided to text me about the beer ice cream a month or so ago, and while the weather was more appropo, we were in the midst of planning a wedding, and yet again, frozen tasties were the last thing on our collective minds.

Enter today. Hot as hell, nothing to do, lazy-ass Sunday. Perfect. Ice cream that mofo up, as we say in… well, nowhere. I don’t think anyone ever really says that. But they should start doing it. Now. Dammit.

Like any good members of the Internet generation, we went to their website first to check the flavor board and prepare oursleves mentally for the journey we were about to undergo.

While, sadly, the only beer option on the menu was a Smoked Porter S’More (never been a fan of smokey beers), I did spy two things that intrigued me quite a bit more:

Stranahan’s Whiskey Brickle, and the second-only-to-vanilla staple ice cream flavor, Colorado Sweet Corn.

Duh.

For those who don’t know, Stranahan’s is a locally-distilled single-barrel Colorado Whiskey, and is freaking awesome. If you have the means to obtain it, I HIGHLY recommend it.

So, we set forth on our journey. Hopes high, spirits soaring. Parking was easily procured on Broadway since it was a Sunday, and shockingly, for a 95 degree day in Denver, there was a minimal line at the shop.

I decided it would behoove me to hit a taster before going for the full-scoop commitment. I asked for a taster of the sweet corn. The dude behind the counter procured his tiny spoon, and dug it into a vat of ice cream that looked like it had only been touched by taster spoons, and never a scoop. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride, so to speak. But whatever the corn equivalent of that is.

As I took a whiff, it smelled… Well, like corn. And it had pieces of corn in it. Hrm.

The taste and mouth feel was completely bizarre. Like some sort of really cold bite of creamed corn. But sweeter. And ice cream. Just. Weird.

I stuck with what I knew, and ordered a double-scoop cone of the Stranahan’s Whiskey Brickle, which was AMAZING. Like a really sweetened version of Stranahan’s Whiskey, with an instantly recognizable flavor, minus the pepper-y-ness that’s present in the liquid version. Oh, and with toffee chunks.

Anyway, awesome place, awesome people, awesome ice cream. It was like being a kid again. But with more whiskey.

Must Try: Stranahan’s Whiskey Brickle, Chocolate Peanut Butter Chip

Avoid: Colorado Sweet Corn. Unless you REALLY like creamed corn, and wish you could have it in a much colder form than normal.

JK Score: 10/10 Definitely one of those ‘something for everyone’ places. Even if you’re lactose intolerant, or otherwise don’t dig on animal juice, they always have a few vegan options as well. And giant-ass cookies that looked amazing.

Sweet Action Ice Cream
52 Broadway
Denver, CO 80203
http://www.sweetactionicecream.com

Bacon MotherEffin’ Waffles.

BACON.

WAFFLES.

Yes, it’s derivative.

Yes, it’s fucking awesome.

BACON.

WAFFLES.

BACON.  WAFFLE.  DAMMIT.

BACON. WAFFLE. DAMMIT.

I’m not even reviewing these.

10. Done. Awesome.

Bacon Pancakes (Yes… Bacon MotherEffin’ Pancakes)

I don’t even know how I could sully such a glorious item with inane banter.

So I’m gonna shoot straight. The Original Pancake House (http://www.originalpancakehouse.com/) has THE BEST stuff on earth.

They’re pancakes. WITH MOTHER EFFIN’ BACON IN THEM.

You following me on this? This isn’t pancakes with a side of bacon, or bacon ON pancakes. This is bacon… INSIDE of pancakes.

Allow me to illustrate.

20090625-IMAG0040

See? Awesome. They rule. Find some. Then eat them. Then tell me how awesome they are. Because I’ll agree with you.

Texture: They’re pancakes… WITH BACON IN THEM.

Taste: They’re pancakes… WITH FREAKING BACON INSIDE OF THEM.

JK Score: 10/10 THEY ARE FUCKING PANCAKES, WITH FUCKING BACON IN THEM.

Also, the staff at The Original Pancake House in Denver’s Tech Center location were very nice, attentive, and awesome. And gave me an extra PANCAKE WITH MOTHER LOVIN’ BACON IN IT.

The Original Pancake House
8000 E. Belleview
Greenwood Village, Colorado 80111
303-224-0093

Double Bypass (at the Heart Attack Grill)

Where to begin…Let me say that I took on this assignment based solely on the fact that The Heart Attack Grill is known for really good burgers. The staff had nothing to do with it. That being said…thank you JK for forcing me to go out an get a burger with one pound of beef, a regular coke, and some fries that are “deep fried in pure LARD”.

Usually to get a ton of photos of food here…and for good reason. But, I thought a few establishing shots would serve this review well. While the food (burger/fries/coke) is the star of the show at the grill, there are a few side dishes too!

20090308-heart attack grill

The building is pretty unassuming until you get to the front door.

20090309-caution

then inside
20090309-inside

From there the fun begins..Much like In-N-Out Burger the menu is pretty straight forward and simple to remember. Single, Double, Triple, Quadruple Bypass 1-4 patties (duh) all of which are half pounders and are smothered in cheese.

Once you’ve settled on your “procedure”..your nurse sets the meal in motion. While waiting for the burger to arrive, if you so choose, you can treat yourself to a helping of “Flatliner Fries” as the sign states…”Deep fried in Pure Lard”

20090309-flatliner fries

If soggy fries that have been deep fried in pure lard are your cup of tea…you may just die before the bypass. If you are a real glutton for punishment garnish the fries with salt and a man sized portion of mayo.

20090309-fries

Now as much as I wish I could say that I was a real man and decided to try to clog my heart in one large burger soaked shot..I couldn’t bring myself to try to demolish a Triple or Quad Bypass…so I went with the Double..and upon arrival, I almost cried. It was amazing.

20090309-mmm

Now in true TJE fashion I decided that the next best step would be to show off the grandeur of this meat mountain. Did I mention that the patties were half pounders? Well, they were and when you try to pick up the burger you feel like you are actually working through the meal!
20090309-presentation

Speaking of the meal if you are the guy (like I am) who will go out and order copious amounts of meat and pasta and sugar filled desserts and still settles for a Diet Coke…tough. Here you have a few choices but the word Diet appears nowhere. Coke, Water, Jolt, Corona, Bud…and a full bar at the back are the limits of what you can order (there is also a $21 Margarita on the menu). But i settled for the simple Double, Flatliner Fries, and a Coke
20090309-the meal

As big ass burgers go…the weight of the double makes it a two hand job. I have no idea how I would have even attempted the Quad Bypass! (FYI–Joey Chestnut polished off a Double in 1min 47 seconds)

20090309-1st bite 2

A lot longer than 2min later I finally made it to the last bite and was able to sit back and think about what had just happened. I had just put a pound of meat, two cokes, and god only knows how many fries into my body. Now I am a big boy (280lbs) but thankfully I didn’t qualify for the free meal program (350lbs and up eat free all day every day). The strange thing was that I felt full but I also didn’t feel like I had stuffed myself. Granted I think I would have exploded if I had even one more fry. I didn’t feel like I thought I was going to die. The thought did cross my mind when I walked in..but that was a heart attack of a different sort.

Before we get to the ranking…two last photos to share..one of Elise…our (I got my father to join in the fun) nurse.

20090309-nurse

the other of the Heart Attack Grill’s “Diet Program” The best part is the fine print at the bottom that says, “Arizona State Law requires us to notify you that members of our staff are not actually certified Nurses.” Really!!!!
20090309-diet program

Starting off with the ambiance:
10/10 — there is something to be said for taking the “Diet program/nurse thing” to the limit. From the outfits to the fact that there are mirrors under the counter. Not sure if they are there to give the customers another look at the wait staff…or if they are there for the nurses to keep an eye on the wierdo customers who are always there with cameras a plenty.

Food:
Burgers 9/10 — As the burger itself goes…perfectly done. Not under done, not over done, but just right. The slight over toast on the bun even worked. The only reason that I can’t go to a full 10 is that Bacon wasn’t even an option! Only down side is that I had to run through a full brick of napkins…apparently when you get upwards of a pound of beef you also get the same volume of grease.

Fries 8/10 — They are so good that they could actually be deadly. Deep Fried in Lard = Mmmmm. Personally I am all for the soggy fry, but there is also something to be said for having a little crunch in the fry basket. But, at $1.85 for all you can eat they were really good.

Drink N/A — Can’t really rank a coke..especially since I am really a Pepsi guy at heart.

All in all $9.25 for Burger, $1.85 for Fries, and $1.85 (x2) for drink. Not too bad. Give or Take $20 with tip. For a complete collection of Full Sized photos and some that didn’t make the cut…check out my flickr page.

Bacana Brazil Churrascaria (aka House of Meat Death)

Let me paint a picture for ya, Bob Ross style. Let’s put a happy little cloud up here on the right. He’s happy. Now let’s put a little happy harbinger of meat-based-coma-death-glory-joy over here. Yah, that’s nice.

Let’s call that place Bacana Brazil, in Chesterfield, MO. You know, make-believe, it’s art, it’s not set in stone, be creative. In your painting, you can call yours Frederico Rojo or something. Mine is called Bacana.

Artist's rendition.  Forgot my camera.

Artist's rendition. Forgot my camera.

Now, let’s move inside.

Let’s paint a nice, semi-upscale resturaunt, with a great booze selection, and an incredible Brazilian wait staff who is the friendliest bunch of dudes and chicks this side of the Mississippi. Oh, paint some neat accents on them, too. Not really sure how you go about doing that, but it’s worth including in our work here. So do it, before I cut you.

Yah, that’s nice. They’re happy.

The name of the game here is Churrascaria. My Portuguese is horrible, but I think it roughly translates into “Feed all the over-eating Americans awesome meats and shit until they explode”.

It works like this: you walk in, get seated and order your drinks. You get pointed to a nice big salad/side buffet spread. Our waiter gave us the tip of grabbing a spare plate, you know, for meat. At your table is a magical toggle. One side being red, the other, green.

20071202-meatflipper

I’m not sure what the red side that said “NO” actually looked like, as we never used it. What I do know, is that as long as that guy stays green, some dude in the back will work his butt off grilling countless cuts of meat, rotisserie style over a pit. Then he’ll send out the meat minions out with highly-sharpened big-ass knives and the aforementioned skewers of meat around to all the tables, where you’re consequently barraged with endless chunks of top sirloin, garlic steak, bacon-wrapped chicken, salmon, beef shoulder, shrimp, pork, lamb, even grilled bananas and cinnamon-pineapple.

And that’s it. You eat until your completely stuffed, and then the sadistic waiter comes back and offers you deserts, which were also awesome.

In keeping with the whole painting analogy, let’s paint a happy over-stuffed bigass dude who just ate his weight in meat for $33.

Artist's rendering, I'm much more sexy.

Artist's rendering, I'm much more sexy.

Must Try: The Spicy Beef Salad. Best stuff on earth if you’re into hot stuff. The beef shoulder. The top sirloin. The garlic steak. The roasted banana. The grilled cinnamon-crusted pineapple.

Avoid: The red side of that meat flipper thinger.

JK Score: 9/10 There’s nothing more awesome than all-you-can-eat meat, and swords.

Bacana Brasil
16123 Chesterfield Pkwy West
Chesterfield, MO 63017
636.532.6969
http://www.bacanabrasil.com